Very soon, you’ll be seeing my name pop up in a new helping space called Back to Mind Counselling.

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Just like Barbie pictured here, I have a chronic and progressive back condition called scoliosis which I’ve lived with since I was a teen, deteriorating significantly as an adult.  Scoliosis is a progressive spinal condition that has many physical symptoms including pain and stiffness but plenty of emotional ones that can have an impact on overall mental health such as fear of the future, body confidence, and self-worth.

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Chances are you know someone living with this condition, but they haven’t mentioned it to you. Like any chronic condition, it occupies A LOT of headspace. A lot of time is spent minimising its physical, social, and emotional impacts. When one of the first words that appears on a Google search on scoliosis is ‘deformity’ you know there are going to be some mental challenges to navigate.

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It’s a condition that people often keep secret. Not disclosing for fear of it being dismissed or embarrassment. There’s a lot of hiding too. Hiding pain. Hiding lumps and bumps under oversize clothes. Hiding emotions. Hiding a back brace. Then there’s shame - unreasonable shame, where a self-inflicted feeling of ‘what did I do to deserve this’ and body unease is ever-present.

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I am constantly trying to find the best way to feel comfortable in my body. I need aids.  As my condition progresses, I’ve noticed it makes being at shows and music festivals a lot harder. I can’t stand for too long. I can’t sit for too long. A three and a half hour Taylor Swift concert or four plus hour Springsteen marathon is equal parts thrilling but sends my head into a spin of planning and doing the spine maths (it’s a thing).

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Finding new ways to love and appreciate my body has been a revelation. Thanking my back for what it CAN do, rather than focusing on its limitations has been profound. Instead of directing all my energy on my collapsing spine, I try and focus on making choices that help me feel strong. I’m slowly learning to wear my body quirks with pride. My twisted spine doesn’t define me. It is part of me but not my entire identity.

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Obviously Scoli Barbie doesn’t represent everyone but when she was released by Mattel, it bought tears to my eyes. I felt seen. And I imagine the powerful impact of that on young people being diagnosed today. She’s loud and proud. I’m learning about the power and benefits of advocacy, hence writing these words, which even a couple of years ago, I couldn’t have imagined sharing.

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Of course, there are lots of us out there with long term medical conditions and / or who are living with disability. These are often outwardly silent conditions which take a huge toll on emotional health. Often the person suffering is quietly living with a constant degree of pain, but you’d never know because they have mastered concealment. I hope to add my voice and help normalise conversations around bodies that look, work, and feel different, and the array of challenges we experience in daily living.

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If you can relate to this (or have friends or family members who might), you’re welcome to visit me at my new site Back to Mind Counselling. Music coaching and counselling will continue alongside my new offering. Maybe you’re a person in music with the same experience looking for emotional support? If so, you’ve hit the jackpot!

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I’m excited to help a community of people living with scoliosis, and chronic back pain, with the emotional impacts that are passengers on this journey.

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If you’re curious to learn more, check out backtomindcounselling.com.au.

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Viv XO